Life without a Galaxy Note

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"You don't have a Galaxy Note!???" - a common reaction

Believe it or not, there are people who don’t even own a Galaxy Note. And sadly, I happen to be one of them.

For those who have been living in a well all their lives, a Samsung Galaxy Note is a 5.3″ smartphone with a size between a usual smartphone and a tablet. It was released in October, 2011. With attractive specs, a large super AMOLED HD screen real estate of 800×1280 pixels and a stylus to write with, Note is one amazing phone. Some may argue that it’s a phone and others will tell you it’s a tablet, but who cares? It’s the awesomest gadget ever either way.

You must be trying to guess how hard a life without a Note could be, in vain. Well, one cannot describe an account of that miserable fellow’s existence properly in a micro blog post like this. But I’m may as well try to give you a basic idea with the following points.

A person without a Galaxy Note

  • Has no proper device to browse the web while on the road (unless he has a tablet, which is too troublesome to carry around)
  • Doesn’t have a means of taking a quick note or doodling (unless he has a piece of paper near him, and a pen)
  • Needs to go to the TV or the computer to watch a movie (The screen of a normal phone is too small for a movie. Note will play almost any video you put into it – yes, even porn.)
  • Is not able to scribble down something the person in the other end says when he’s in a call.
  • Will have to scroll pages before he gets down to a point. Not so with the Note thanks to its 800×1280 pixel 5.3″ screen.
  • Has no way to express what he has on mind to another person. With help of the S Pen (the stylus), it’s a simple matter of a few strokes to a Note user.
  • Isn’t able to record 1080p videos with ease. (There are a few other phones that let you do this, but who in the big wide world would need one when you can buy a Galaxy Note!)
  • Is always depressed about the fact of not having one.

Sources of human suffering are endless, but as you may well see from the above points, nothing would cause much sorrow to a person than not having a Note would.

Dr Mervin and Kelaniya

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mervin silvaThe first time I noticed an express train stop at the Kelaniya station was on a poya day. Then I imagined that this was normal coz of the increased traffic to the Kelaniya temple on such days. But I was wrong.

Our beloved Dr Mervin Silva has ordered the express trains to stop in Kelaniya. Most of them now actually do. This might be a welcomed surprise for the people of Kelaniya, but it’s ridiculous actually. The other day I was in this express train (a long train with two powersets attached) to Rambukkana (?) and it stopped at Kelaniya. The platforms in this station were too short the train ended up having its two ends far away from the platform’s ends. The girls in the compartment I was in had such a difficult time getting off – they had to finally jump to the ground.

Forget that; having to stop in Kelaniya means the express train would have to stop in four consecutive stations: Fort, Maradana, Dematagoda and Kelaniya. This is stupid.

I’ve always respected Dr Mervin, ever since I was a sperm. He’s the only honorary doctor in the parliament after all. But I couldn’t help asking him…

why, Mervin?

To which he replied in kind,

because!

The Hanging Man

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By the roots of my hair some god got hold of me.
I sizzled in his blue volts like a desert prophet.

The nights snapped out of sight like a lizard’s eyelid:
A world of bald white days in a shadeless socket.

A vulturous boredom pinned me in this tree.
If he were I, he would do what I did.

The poem is written by Sylvia Plath who committed suicide in 1963. She was awarded with the Pulitzer prize after her death.

For those who get the meaning of the poem, you may also be interested in the cases surrounding Ernest Hemingway’s suicide in 1961.

Plugging the USB half-way

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USB connector

As you can see from the above image, the power and ground pins of a USB connector are situated on its either side and the two data pins are placed in between. Also notice that the data pins are situated a bit inward compared to the power pins. As a result of this, when you plug in a USB, power is supplied to the device first before it can begin transferring data.

“Okay, that’s fine, but what am I to do with this?” you ask.

Plug USB half way

Well, my friend, you can exploit this subtle feature by plugging a USB port only half way into the device. This enables the device to power up without making a data connection. In case of a mobile phone, you can connect the data cable half way to charge the phone without mounting the SD card. This can be pretty useful when working with MP3 players too.

“This is pretty cool!” you say. “Thanks!”

Anytime. 🙂

By the river Nilwala I sat down and wept

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nilwala riverBy the river Nilwala I sat down
And wept. The young lovers were
Holding each others’ hands and laughing
and singing their songs
Like there’s tomorrow. And I,
The old, tattered soul,
Heavy with all the melancholy and sorrow,
Let the tears mix with
The incessant stream, grieving
Over the songs I couldn’t sing.

The Nilwala flowed, it didn’t know
And neither did anyone know
Of the tears mingled in the huge flow.
And why, why should anyone know
The tears of a loser the world
doesn’t need to know about.
They may well be washed into
The deep, dark ocean and forgotten
Forever.

Title inspired from By the river Piedra I sat down and wept.

The truth behind life expanding photos [For men only]

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Some people don’t seem to understand the concept of life expanding photos. For example, when I posted a life expanding photo yesternight, Madhawa replied by posting a link to a porn site saying that it would expand the life more. Stop. Looking at naked girls isn’t what really extends your life. I think it’s high time I explained the reasons behind posting all these life expanding pics.

“Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female such as Baywatch actress Pamela Lee is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out,” said author Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist.

Yes, it’s staring at the boobs of a lovely lady that will extend your life. It is said that frequent staring at breasts can extend the life of a man by almost 5 years. The main reason behind is said to be improved blood circulation and lower blood pressure caused by the act. And it cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack by almost half.

It’s also to be noted that it’s not the quantity of boobs that matter, but the quality. For example, the picture to the left does not yield good results as the picture to the right does.

 Lots of boobs

Bad

 Beautiful boobs

Good

 
I hope this short article shed some light on the basics of the theory of life expanding. If you have further insights into the subject feel free to share.

Happy mew year?

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Beyond the door there’s peace I’m sure
And I know there’ll be no more tears in heaven
– Tears in heaven by Eric Clapton

Mayans could have ended their calendar with 2011. Now that they didn’t, we have another year to live in. Another load of sorrows to be engulfed in. Another year where haters gonna hate and creepers gonna creep. Another set of suicide attempts where most would be unsucessful.

Sigh. Just imagine having to live through all this for another year. Don’t you think the world is better off dead? I know you do. No? Fuck off.

And finally, happy mew year to all the cats around!

Cat middle finger

Kids!

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Few years back I used to be a kid-hater. They are the most annoying species in this world, right? But not anymore.

It seems I’m becoming attracted to kids by the day. Not in a sexual way of course. But they are adorable and chubby little things! Awww, how sweet do they look! And the feeling you get when you touch their cheeks! Cuter than kittens, if you ask me.

They say you begin to adore kids when you become pregnant. I was worried, until a good friend of mine showed me that it’s an impossiblity because I’m a boy. Oh well. We have been subject to such injustice from the beginning, but boys don’t cry.

Anyway I don’t want a baby, at least yet. Just looking at them playing and laughing (and crying) is sufficient for the moment. I stare at the kids at our workplace (we have a day care center there for the employees) and I love to watch how they stare at me back. Sounds creepy? Bitch please! Show the kids your love!

A new baby is like the beginning of all things – wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities.
Eda J. Le Shan

I'm a pickpocket

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PickpocketingI’m a pickpocket. That’s my sole livelihood. Now don’t call me a criminal; picking pockets ain’t that bad.

For one, I believe that nothing in this world happens by chance. No good deed goes unrewarded. Likewise, no bad deed goes unpunished. That’s just the way things are. If your pocket was picked that means that you have done something that deserves it. You have done something bad. If it was me who picked that pocket I was just being an agent in punishing you; I wasn’t being evil. If I didn’t pick that pocket someone else would have taken my place.

Picking pockets isn’t much risky either. You just have to know the techniques. And the correct place and time. There are no books on the subject, you have to rely on experience. Furthermore, since pickpocketing doesn’t involve weapons the jail time is shorter. Well, that’s if you were careless enough to get caught.

I have to support a family and the only life skill I’ve learned is pickpocketing. That leaves me with no other option. Considering the ‘no bad deed goes unpunished’ theory and the fact that this not being much risky, it isn’t a bad business at all, now, is it?

Edit: Forgot to mention, I always send back the IDs in those pockets back to their owners, regardless of the amount of money they had in the wallet. Kudos to Sapumal for reminding me.

Matara – the wondrous city

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MataraMatara. It’s the most beautiful city in Sri Lanka. If you disagree with me you haven’t been to Matara lately or haven’t travelled around the city much. If you still disagree I will put my hands in my ears and cry OH LA LA so that I won’t here you.
The southern railway is under renovation these days and will emerge as the best rail track in Sri Lanka after an year or so. And the southern highway to Matara has only months or perhaps weeks to be opened. Which means access to Colombo in less than one and half hours. How cool is that?
Matara will become one of the most sought after cities to live in in a few years. Too bad me and most of my friends won’t have that luxury coz of work. But at least we will be happy to know that Matara is just one hour or so away from Colombo.